Sunday, December 19, 2010

Realizations up the wazoo

Alot has happened this week. There have been alot of realizations. They are like five star a nice five star sophisticted Asian restaurant. With vibrant colors and urban chic d├ęcor. My five star realizations create a cozy yet refined ambience for your reading pleasure. 

The scale has finally moved. Two more pounds down. Who would have thought two little pounds would make someone so happy? But it's such motivation...
I ordered a coat before I had my surgery and it came this week. It was two sizes too big. It felt really good. Despite the fact that now I have to go through the hassle of calling UPS and having them pick it back up and send it back (and the fact that the company is going to sexually assault me by charging me to return it) it still felt good.

Anyways, back to my overpriced, tiny portioned,  five star realizations.

1) Remember how I said a co-worker said that I was much happier since I had the surgery? I realized as I was driving around shopping today, that I AM happier. Who would have thought? I mean I'm still a crabby, sarcastic, old bat, don't get me wrong, but that mostly has to do with my job. In my personal life, I am happier. And even if I never lose another single pound, what I've gained from losing what I've lost was worth it. Ok that's a lie, I better lose more pounds, or someone is going to get hurt....but I AM happier.

2) This is nothing to be ashamed of. I thought I would never tell anyone about this. I already knew people saw me as just fat and I didn't want them to judge me for having the surgery. I don't know what I thought people would say...maybe that I was taking the easy way out? That I was lazy? That I was a failure for not being able to do this on my own? But now, I liken this to someone hiring a personal trainer. That is a tool for people who don't feel like they can do it on their own. So is this. It's just a different kind of tool. 

3) I can make a difference by telling my story. A few people have asked me questions about my surgery who are considering having it themselves. Like I said, I had considered keeping this whole process a secret. But as I'm writing this blog and talking about it, people seem to be really relating to what I'm going through, my mental process, and the difference the surgery has made.

People that have never experienced a weight problem have no idea what it's like--actually being a normal size 12, yet all your high school friends are all a size 2, so you think you're fat. And obviously I have a smashing sense of humor, parallel to none, but that was created as a defense mechanism so that I felt like I fit in somehow.

By telling my story, those who feel like they don't have anyone who understand can realize there is someone out there and there IS hope.

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