Yesterday was the 7th of February. Which means one month ago I was going under the knife (technically 5 weeks ago).
I would say that this 5 weeks has been one of THE longest 5 weeks of my life. I should really go back and read my entries from surgery the first time around and I'd bet they weren't much different. But that feels like so long ago.
This surgery was not the easiest for me. I've had a lot of downs during the healing process. Not having to do with food or what I can eat, but mentally this has been a rough time. And a few physical things too. Every little twinge I have, I jump to the worst case scenario...and most of the time it's been nothing. I'm still trying to figure out what is going on with me that is making me react like this all of a sudden.
I've had a lot more "What if I didn't make the right decision?" this time around. I think because the recovery has been slower. I still haven't been able to get into the gym yet because of this abdominal muscle strain. I was in pain from the surgery but then last week slipped on the ice and really tweaked it good. Today is the first day it feels pretty good...I was able to actually bend over with minimal pain today. You never realize how much you actually use your abdominal muscles until they cause you pain...something as simple as getting off the couch or putting pants on was excrutiating this past week. I am hopeful I am on the upswing. I definitely don't want to reinjure it, so, although I am dying to hit the treadmill, I think I'm going to give myself at least one more week, if not two. It's going to be so hard, but I know in the long run, I will be better off.
In other news, I will tell you that what has gotten me through these past 5 weeks is my friends...people who listen to my crazy rantings and tell me logically why I'm not thinking clearly and talk me off the ledge. The other, and more important thing, is that I've really found my spirituality again. I'm normally not one to preach religion to others. Religion, to me, is a very special and private thing. I don't like to talk about it with many people because of that. I talk about it with my friend Tony and of course with Angie who is nice enough to spend every Sunday at church with me. Other than that, I really keep it to myself. But, I wouldn't have gotten through these 5 weeks without God. I've been praying to Him daily. Sometimes multiple times a day...just for health and for strength. I heard a sermon in the past couple weeks about the parable of Jesus walking on water to His disciples. And it says He walked on water towards them, in the middle of the rough storms, and He got in the boat, and all was calm. And the Pastor said we need to remember that no matter how rough the storms Jesus is always in our boat.
And that right there...is peace.