Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Panic at the disco

What the french toast?
It appears the panic attacks have returned. See, the thing about my panic attacks is most of the time they aren't situational. I mean sure, sometimes they are--right before surgery, I knew that's what was causing the anxiety. But usually, I don't have one thing I can pin point that I can focus on to tell myself not to worry to relieve the anxiety. They just appear...out of nowhere, at any time, kind of like when Harry Potter removes his invisibility cloak.

I've always had trouble sleeping. I mean, for as long as I can remember. I've tried OTC sleeping pills, I've tried ambien, I've tried tea, I've tried name it I probably have tried it. Most of the time, I can fall asleep easily, but then I wake up in the middle of the night. Lately, it's been not even being able to fall asleep. I'm so exhausted and I want to close my eyes, and then just as I start to fall asleep, PANIC! My legs get weird, like I feel like I just can't stretch my legs enough and I start to feel like someone is sitting on my chest, and then I have to get up and walk around. I wonder if I have Restless Leg Syndrome sometimes. But I think it's more my anxiety and how it manifests? Who knows.

This is the first time the leg thing has followed me into the following day. The anxiety is still here too. Like dark horsemen of the apocolypse just following me around in their hoods being all horseman-ey and stuff.

I really need to go back and do yoga again. I feel like that really relaxed me when I was doing it with my co-worker. The whole bending thing right now though is a little challenging. the meantime, I called the doctor and asked him to refill my lorazapam and ambien. He better do it.

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