Saturday, November 20, 2010

And then there was.....

Yep. Welcome to Crazy Town. Population: Me.
I started this blog in the hopes I could easy my anxiety.
I made the decision to have Lap Band Surgery 6 months ago. When I made the decision...well, there wasn't even really a decision. I found out insurance would cover it and that was that. Not once did I have second thoughts.
The moment the 2 week mark hit, all these thoughts came running into my head. I'm not really THAT fat, am I? What am I doing this for? Is this the right decision? What if something goes wrong? Am I really going to be ok with having my stomach hold the amount of an egg for the rest of my life?

And then I remembered that I can't do this on my own. If the past 30 years haven't shown me that, I don't know what they have shown me. I need this tool. I need this to make sure I live the longest, healthiest, happiest life possible.

And then I thought...what's worse? Giving up control for an hour and trusting in my doctor and being in pain for a week or a lifetime of not being able to breathe when I walk up the stairs to my house? Or wondering if people are staring at how fat I am? Or having low self esteem whenever I try to go shopping? Or the thought of walking down the aisle in November as a fat bride?

And then I took a xanax and wished that Dec 2 would hurry up and get here.


  1. I admire your decision. I had no idea it was covered by insurance! I would love to have that surgery...look forward to seeing your progress and come November, I have a feeling you are going to be thrilled with your decision!

  2. Thank you!! I think I just needed to get it off my chest...I'm really glad I have you guys as a support system.