Struggles. Not snuggles. Struggles. Emotional ones. Let me try to figure out how to even put this into words....
Remember how my last post was about how I am in terrible need of compliments? I don't even think compliments are going to help me over this hump.
I feel like I've gone so far and yet I have so far yet to go. I never thought I would feel this hopeless again. I almost feel like I am back at the beginning of my journey.
60 lbs lost. And a million left to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know that's not true. But it feels like it.
Someone said on twitter the other day: "I have been eating like my old 238 lb self". This is a girl who is amazing. She started at that weight and is now running marathons and has lost 100 lbs. I realized that I'm just shy of what she started at. That kind of started my decline. I mean, to know that you have lost 60 lbs and are still just at a starting point. It's kind of upsetting. Then I saw some pictures of myself on Saturday and that was it. The decline was now fully engaged. I thought to myself, "If you look this fat now, imagine how you looked 60 lbs ago".
Putting this into words is more difficult to me than I thought it was going to be. I'm not sure I'm fully expressing how this feel. In reality, I've come so far. I know that in my head. To have gone from a size 24 to an 18 is a huge accomplishment. But, for some reason, I just feel like my world has been turned upside down again. I just feel like this is an impossible journey. I feel like those 60 lbs didn't matter. Ok great...now I'm LESS fat than I was before, but still a big ol fatty mcgee.