Thursday, June 2, 2011

Cottage cheese violation

I am officially sick to death of cottage cheese. Look, I know cottage cheese isn't REALLY cheese, but I'm lumping it in this category anyways. It has cheese in the name for Christ's sake.

I'm really sick of cottage cheese. Like, so sick that if I see one more tiny white curd I may go all Godzilla on whatever is near by. Hopefully it's not a tiny village of pygmies or the Keebler Elf tree. I'd hate to be responsible for the demise of those things.

I have a small tub of cottage cheese sitting here at work next to my keyboard. It's my lunch. I was excited as I grabbed it from the fridge. My mouth was watering as I opened the top. Then I stuck my spoon in it and I looked at the container in disdain as if to say to it "I will kill you cottage cheese". And I thought, woah. What was that? I usually eat 2-3 little cottage cheeses a day. (Even the words cottage cheese is making my rage flag fly for some reason.)
So I dismissed it and I stuck my spoon in the container. The weirdest thing happened. As I was bringing the spoon to my mouth, all slow motion movie like, my face contorted and in my head I could hear "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo", but the spoon went in my mouth anyways. And then. There was silence.
The cottage cheese violated me and went down into my belly.

And now, I'm sitting here rocking back and forth wondering what I'm going to do with my lovely snack I enjoyed so much for so long and how it could have turned on me.
I hope you're happy now cottage cheese. We're on a break. We're in a fight.
Off to find a new snack....

No comments:

Post a Comment