So...I've always been part of the "don't run unless being chased" group. Actually, let me restate that. I've always been part of the don't MOVE unless being chased group. I mean, ask anyone who knows me...I would send my cat to go get my drinks if the lazy things would oblige.
As I mentioned in my earlier blog post, on July 17th I will be doing 13.1 miles for Crohn's.
My Website
For the most part, I joined up with this and committed to this without thinking. I kind of was like, pshaw. 13.1 miles? What's the big deal? I'm sure it will be fine. And now, as I've gotten up to 6 miles, I'm sitting here going 13.1 miles? WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY WERE YOU THINKING???!!!
Actually, I would have more exclamation points at the end of that sentence but I'm far too exhausted from the 6 miles.
As the day gets closer, I'm realizing that I'm scared. I will do this. I know I will. And when I cross the finish line, I will cry with accomplishment before falling on my face and having to be dragged off the course by the paramedics.
But, for right now, I have all these thoughts in my head. In clinical crazy town terms, we call this Holy Shit What The F*** A Half Marathon? (Otherwise known as HSWTFAHF, you may be more familiar with it that way).
My fears are:
What if I don't finish?
What if both my kneecaps fall off?
What if I'm the last person to finish?
What if I fall down and pass out? (This will be remedied by pinning a note to my shirt that says take me to the nearest margarita and I will be fine).
What if I don't finish?
Did I mention what if I don't finish?
I can't decide what is worse for me...not finishing or being the last person to finish. It might be a tie.
Well, while I face my fears, while trying to have a heart to heart with my spazing leg muscles, I'll just ask for you to say a short prayer for my kneecaps. And maybe the rest of me.
Monday, May 30, 2011
A picture is worth a thousand words
So...I just finished my "don't call it a come back" post when I was thinking, maybe I should look through some old pictures.
I keep saying how I can't see the difference from 65 lbs ago. When I look at the full length picture I took the day before surgery I really honestly and truly go "Do I look any different?". (Look, I already admitted I was crazy town, ok?)
But then I looked at a couple close ups of my face and I can really see a difference. So maybe that makes me SLIGHTLY less crazy?
Before:
And After:
I keep saying how I can't see the difference from 65 lbs ago. When I look at the full length picture I took the day before surgery I really honestly and truly go "Do I look any different?". (Look, I already admitted I was crazy town, ok?)
But then I looked at a couple close ups of my face and I can really see a difference. So maybe that makes me SLIGHTLY less crazy?
Before:
Don't turn out the lights.....
I let my blog go dark. It wasn't intentional. It just happened.
I'm trying to get back in the swing of things now though. Let's see...since the last time I wrote I've only lost about 7 lbs. It's been slow going, which is hard for me to accept.
The weight fell off so quickly at the beginning that I didn't even have to think about it. I just got another fill last Monday. I think I have close to 5 cc's in my band now. I still don't feel like I've hit the "sweet spot" everyone talks about.
I still have that emotional piece swimming around in my head and at this point I don't feel like it will ever get better. I met up with a friend who I hadn't seen in about a month to go to a concert this past week and she said "Look at you skinny". And I thought "Who could she POSSIBLY be talking to"?? There are times that I catch a quick glimpse of myself in the mirror and there is a fleeting thought about how thin I am looking. But it's gone fairly quickly. Because, then, when I see pictures of myself, I see how far I have to go.
I don't know how or when the crazy took residence in my head, but I don't think it's going anywhere anytime soon. If I've lost 65 lbs and still can't see how far I've come? Still can't see a difference from 65 lbs ago? There's something seriously wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it.
In other news, I'm still training with Team Challenge WI for my half marathon. I have about a month and a half left, and I feel like I really need to ramp up my training. In addition, my wedding is in 5 months and I am really scared of seeing those pictures as I look today.
I'm trying to get back in the swing of things now though. Let's see...since the last time I wrote I've only lost about 7 lbs. It's been slow going, which is hard for me to accept.
The weight fell off so quickly at the beginning that I didn't even have to think about it. I just got another fill last Monday. I think I have close to 5 cc's in my band now. I still don't feel like I've hit the "sweet spot" everyone talks about.
I still have that emotional piece swimming around in my head and at this point I don't feel like it will ever get better. I met up with a friend who I hadn't seen in about a month to go to a concert this past week and she said "Look at you skinny". And I thought "Who could she POSSIBLY be talking to"?? There are times that I catch a quick glimpse of myself in the mirror and there is a fleeting thought about how thin I am looking. But it's gone fairly quickly. Because, then, when I see pictures of myself, I see how far I have to go.
I don't know how or when the crazy took residence in my head, but I don't think it's going anywhere anytime soon. If I've lost 65 lbs and still can't see how far I've come? Still can't see a difference from 65 lbs ago? There's something seriously wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it.
In other news, I'm still training with Team Challenge WI for my half marathon. I have about a month and a half left, and I feel like I really need to ramp up my training. In addition, my wedding is in 5 months and I am really scared of seeing those pictures as I look today.
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