Ever since surgery I've been growing increasingly more fond of one of the nurses at my Dr's office. I was not a fan before. I wouldn't say I disliked her, say, as much as the Vikings, but you know.
She seemed really abrasive to me, but she's growing on me. She has some good things to say to talk me off my ledge. Which, as President and CEO of Crazy Town is needed quite often.
As I mentioned yesterday, I have been having these pains in my stomach. I can actually feel the port which is kind of weird for me. And I know the pain is surrounding the port. Of course, the first thing I thought was that I was dyeing. The port probably exploded and was cutting me from the inside out and I only had moments to live. (OBVIOUSLY, because that's rational.)
When I called today, I said it was kind of odd to me that I was in almost perfect shape the first two weeks of the surgery and now all of a sudden I'm having these pains and episodes I expected to have immediately after the surgery.
She said that the first two weeks after surgery I was probably in a honeymoon phase. Which actually made sense to me. She said I was SO anxious about the surgery that I was just so happy to be alive I wasn't thinking about anything else.
The other thing she said was "Oh hey there Nic...you have a foreign body in your body in case you forgot. Your body is healing and probably trying to fight it a little, so yeah, I would expect you to be sore there."
Also known as "Turn the lightbulb on so you can see you dummy".
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
MIA
It appears my humor is MIA. I've looked everywhere for it, but I can't seem to find it. Although, my house is a pigsty, so it could be hiding under a pile of dirty dishes. It's hard to say.
It's been a rough week or so.
I will admit part of me is regretting the decision to do this. Wednesday I had another gas episode. Then I was pretty good until Christmas. Christmas evening I had another one, which seemed to pass quickly (pun intended). Then yesterday afternoon and evening I was in bed all day again feeling miserable. It appears to be food related--shellfish and eggs, but I'm not taking the chance again to find out for sure.
Today is much better. However, I do feel sore inside. It's kind of odd. It feels like I pulled a muscle, but I think it's still some trapped gas.
It leaves me asking questions like, am I going to deal with this all my life? Because if so, I'm tapping out. Spitting out my mouth guard, wiping down the sweat, and tapping out. It leaves me questioning myself and my doctor. I thought I was a VERY thorough patient the 6 months leading up to this. I asked alot of questions, did alot of research, and talked to alot of people. But, clearly, because I'm not an expert in this field, I expected my doctor to have a bit of knowledge to give me...the things that I couldn't possibly know to ask. And yet, I didn't find out about the gas pains in my shoulder that would occur until a few days before surgery. Nor did I know that eating certain foods afterwards may cause a Hiroshima like incident in my stomach leading me to the ER.
I'm feeling alot less confident in my doctor these days. I don't really trust him anymore which isn't the best relationship to have with the person who is sticking a needle in you.
I'm hoping I will slowly but surely return to normal this week. I weighed in this morning at 259. The good thing is it doesn't seem so overwhelming anymore. I don't have SO much more to lose and if I take it in stages I really only have two stages left before I get to my first goal....so that's something....
By the way...if anyone finds my humor and happiness, please send it back. It's microchipped.
It's been a rough week or so.
I will admit part of me is regretting the decision to do this. Wednesday I had another gas episode. Then I was pretty good until Christmas. Christmas evening I had another one, which seemed to pass quickly (pun intended). Then yesterday afternoon and evening I was in bed all day again feeling miserable. It appears to be food related--shellfish and eggs, but I'm not taking the chance again to find out for sure.
Today is much better. However, I do feel sore inside. It's kind of odd. It feels like I pulled a muscle, but I think it's still some trapped gas.
It leaves me asking questions like, am I going to deal with this all my life? Because if so, I'm tapping out. Spitting out my mouth guard, wiping down the sweat, and tapping out. It leaves me questioning myself and my doctor. I thought I was a VERY thorough patient the 6 months leading up to this. I asked alot of questions, did alot of research, and talked to alot of people. But, clearly, because I'm not an expert in this field, I expected my doctor to have a bit of knowledge to give me...the things that I couldn't possibly know to ask. And yet, I didn't find out about the gas pains in my shoulder that would occur until a few days before surgery. Nor did I know that eating certain foods afterwards may cause a Hiroshima like incident in my stomach leading me to the ER.
I'm feeling alot less confident in my doctor these days. I don't really trust him anymore which isn't the best relationship to have with the person who is sticking a needle in you.
I'm hoping I will slowly but surely return to normal this week. I weighed in this morning at 259. The good thing is it doesn't seem so overwhelming anymore. I don't have SO much more to lose and if I take it in stages I really only have two stages left before I get to my first goal....so that's something....
By the way...if anyone finds my humor and happiness, please send it back. It's microchipped.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Decision made
So, we ended up going to the ER last night. The pain was getting unbearable again, plus I was starting to panic. You know how you automatically think the worst? I was convinced I was having a heart attack, stroke, and a baby all at the same time.
We went to the new Columbia St. Mary's, which is where I had the surgery done. I'll tell you, if you have to go to the hospital, that's the place to be. It's like a hotel. And while we were still in the ER for three hours, I didn't have to wait in the waiting room. I was literally taken back right away and seen almost immediately by a nurse.
They thought at first the pain might be a kidney stone. Thank goodness it wasn't. They did an Xray and they said it was real bad gas plus a UTI. Which I kind of thought it was, but I'm glad I went and figured out it wasn't something more serious. It gave me the peace I needed. They gave me IV tramadol I think it was and it worked great.
Today it seems to be much better. It's getting better as the day goes on and I hope tomorrow it will be completely gone.
In other news, the RN for my Dr's office called this morning. I ignored the call because I was still pissed from the experience yesterday. They ended up calling my mom because she is listed as the emergency contact.
Mom gave them an earful and I was glad because then I didn't have to do the dirty work myself. She told them she was not pleased with how I was treated yesterday.
And of course, the RN was very apologetic when I got on the phone and said the Dr was very worried and didn't mean to make it sound like he was being dissmissive. I wanted to say "If that's the case then the little bitch should be calling me himself" but I didn't.
She also said that after I left they were discussing it and he thought maybe I had a kidney stone....ummm....you didn't think that warranted a call back to me just as a head's up and a maybe you should go to the ER after all?
I see him again on the 3rd so it will be interesting to see his interactions with me.
We went to the new Columbia St. Mary's, which is where I had the surgery done. I'll tell you, if you have to go to the hospital, that's the place to be. It's like a hotel. And while we were still in the ER for three hours, I didn't have to wait in the waiting room. I was literally taken back right away and seen almost immediately by a nurse.
They thought at first the pain might be a kidney stone. Thank goodness it wasn't. They did an Xray and they said it was real bad gas plus a UTI. Which I kind of thought it was, but I'm glad I went and figured out it wasn't something more serious. It gave me the peace I needed. They gave me IV tramadol I think it was and it worked great.
Today it seems to be much better. It's getting better as the day goes on and I hope tomorrow it will be completely gone.
In other news, the RN for my Dr's office called this morning. I ignored the call because I was still pissed from the experience yesterday. They ended up calling my mom because she is listed as the emergency contact.
Mom gave them an earful and I was glad because then I didn't have to do the dirty work myself. She told them she was not pleased with how I was treated yesterday.
And of course, the RN was very apologetic when I got on the phone and said the Dr was very worried and didn't mean to make it sound like he was being dissmissive. I wanted to say "If that's the case then the little bitch should be calling me himself" but I didn't.
She also said that after I left they were discussing it and he thought maybe I had a kidney stone....ummm....you didn't think that warranted a call back to me just as a head's up and a maybe you should go to the ER after all?
I see him again on the 3rd so it will be interesting to see his interactions with me.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Ooooo I could spit nails. Also...ow.
Woke up this morning incredibly bloated. I looked like I was pregnant. And trust me, that's not a look I want to see ever again.
I also woke up with a terrible pain in my left side. It feels like a sore muscle in combination with someone stabbing me. I was feeling nausea too. I called the doctor and they said to come in. So I did.
The doctor said "Hmmm. I don't know what this is. Could be gas? It isn't consistant with a side effect or complication from the surgery. See if it gets better and call us in a couple days."
I was not really ok with this answer...but he's the doctor right? You know how you feel? Like, he's the one that went to medical school...who am I to tell him that it IS something?
So I left and came home. About 10 min into getting home, I called Nils and said come get me, we have to go to the ER. The pain was UNreal...I mean, it was second only to when I dislocated my shoulder...and I'm telling you that was painful...to the extent I can't even describe.
So after I called Nils I called the doctor back and told him the pain had gotten worse. I was crying. He said (and I quote) "Well, you weren't in this much pain when you were in the office...if you are crying and in that much pain, then just go to the ER." That may not sound like much to you...but his tone and the way he said it made me feel like an ass.
I curled up in a ball and laid on the bed until Nils got home and ate GasX like there was no tomorrow. (Prepare for TMI next) I started passing gas like there was no tomorrow and there was some relief. By the time Nils got home I started questioning whether or not to go to the ER again.
It seemed to get better so I assume it's gas...
I'm still in a lot of pain. It's not as excrutiating (sp) as it was earlier, but it's still there. When I breathe in, it's painful.
I know it's silly, but I hate to go to the ER, spend 6 hours there and have them tell me it's gas....
I also woke up with a terrible pain in my left side. It feels like a sore muscle in combination with someone stabbing me. I was feeling nausea too. I called the doctor and they said to come in. So I did.
The doctor said "Hmmm. I don't know what this is. Could be gas? It isn't consistant with a side effect or complication from the surgery. See if it gets better and call us in a couple days."
I was not really ok with this answer...but he's the doctor right? You know how you feel? Like, he's the one that went to medical school...who am I to tell him that it IS something?
So I left and came home. About 10 min into getting home, I called Nils and said come get me, we have to go to the ER. The pain was UNreal...I mean, it was second only to when I dislocated my shoulder...and I'm telling you that was painful...to the extent I can't even describe.
So after I called Nils I called the doctor back and told him the pain had gotten worse. I was crying. He said (and I quote) "Well, you weren't in this much pain when you were in the office...if you are crying and in that much pain, then just go to the ER." That may not sound like much to you...but his tone and the way he said it made me feel like an ass.
I curled up in a ball and laid on the bed until Nils got home and ate GasX like there was no tomorrow. (Prepare for TMI next) I started passing gas like there was no tomorrow and there was some relief. By the time Nils got home I started questioning whether or not to go to the ER again.
It seemed to get better so I assume it's gas...
I'm still in a lot of pain. It's not as excrutiating (sp) as it was earlier, but it's still there. When I breathe in, it's painful.
I know it's silly, but I hate to go to the ER, spend 6 hours there and have them tell me it's gas....
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Realizations up the wazoo
Alot has happened this week. There have been alot of realizations. They are like five star realizations...like a nice five star sophisticted Asian restaurant. With vibrant colors and urban chic décor. My five star realizations create a cozy yet refined ambience for your reading pleasure.
The scale has finally moved. Two more pounds down. Who would have thought two little pounds would make someone so happy? But it's such motivation...
I ordered a coat before I had my surgery and it came this week. It was two sizes too big. It felt really good. Despite the fact that now I have to go through the hassle of calling UPS and having them pick it back up and send it back (and the fact that the company is going to sexually assault me by charging me to return it) it still felt good.
Anyways, back to my overpriced, tiny portioned, five star realizations.
1) Remember how I said a co-worker said that I was much happier since I had the surgery? I realized as I was driving around shopping today, that I AM happier. Who would have thought? I mean I'm still a crabby, sarcastic, old bat, don't get me wrong, but that mostly has to do with my job. In my personal life, I am happier. And even if I never lose another single pound, what I've gained from losing what I've lost was worth it. Ok that's a lie, I better lose more pounds, or someone is going to get hurt....but I AM happier.
2) This is nothing to be ashamed of. I thought I would never tell anyone about this. I already knew people saw me as just fat and I didn't want them to judge me for having the surgery. I don't know what I thought people would say...maybe that I was taking the easy way out? That I was lazy? That I was a failure for not being able to do this on my own? But now, I liken this to someone hiring a personal trainer. That is a tool for people who don't feel like they can do it on their own. So is this. It's just a different kind of tool.
3) I can make a difference by telling my story. A few people have asked me questions about my surgery who are considering having it themselves. Like I said, I had considered keeping this whole process a secret. But as I'm writing this blog and talking about it, people seem to be really relating to what I'm going through, my mental process, and the difference the surgery has made.
People that have never experienced a weight problem have no idea what it's like--actually being a normal size 12, yet all your high school friends are all a size 2, so you think you're fat. And obviously I have a smashing sense of humor, parallel to none, but that was created as a defense mechanism so that I felt like I fit in somehow.
By telling my story, those who feel like they don't have anyone who understand can realize there is someone out there and there IS hope.
The scale has finally moved. Two more pounds down. Who would have thought two little pounds would make someone so happy? But it's such motivation...
I ordered a coat before I had my surgery and it came this week. It was two sizes too big. It felt really good. Despite the fact that now I have to go through the hassle of calling UPS and having them pick it back up and send it back (and the fact that the company is going to sexually assault me by charging me to return it) it still felt good.
Anyways, back to my overpriced, tiny portioned, five star realizations.
1) Remember how I said a co-worker said that I was much happier since I had the surgery? I realized as I was driving around shopping today, that I AM happier. Who would have thought? I mean I'm still a crabby, sarcastic, old bat, don't get me wrong, but that mostly has to do with my job. In my personal life, I am happier. And even if I never lose another single pound, what I've gained from losing what I've lost was worth it. Ok that's a lie, I better lose more pounds, or someone is going to get hurt....but I AM happier.
2) This is nothing to be ashamed of. I thought I would never tell anyone about this. I already knew people saw me as just fat and I didn't want them to judge me for having the surgery. I don't know what I thought people would say...maybe that I was taking the easy way out? That I was lazy? That I was a failure for not being able to do this on my own? But now, I liken this to someone hiring a personal trainer. That is a tool for people who don't feel like they can do it on their own. So is this. It's just a different kind of tool.
3) I can make a difference by telling my story. A few people have asked me questions about my surgery who are considering having it themselves. Like I said, I had considered keeping this whole process a secret. But as I'm writing this blog and talking about it, people seem to be really relating to what I'm going through, my mental process, and the difference the surgery has made.
People that have never experienced a weight problem have no idea what it's like--actually being a normal size 12, yet all your high school friends are all a size 2, so you think you're fat. And obviously I have a smashing sense of humor, parallel to none, but that was created as a defense mechanism so that I felt like I fit in somehow.
By telling my story, those who feel like they don't have anyone who understand can realize there is someone out there and there IS hope.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Gorilla warfare in my belly
So yesterday I had my first not so nice experience since the surgery. They were not telling tall tales--it really is important to eat slowly and eat SMALL bites.
I actually was starving yesterday evening so I made some beans and cheese and ate it like there was no tomorrow.
Then it was like Vietnam in my belly.
I tried to burp and I couldn't, it hurt. Because my belly was so full I couldn't even swallow any air to make myself burp and feel better. Believe it or not, that's kind of a scary feeling.
This is going to be really hard for me, because I like to eat. I like it alot. And I like to eat large quantities of food. Plus it's like a race because the faster you eat, the more you can get in your belly before you feel full. (Lessons in Obesity, the title of my new book)
In related news, someone at work told me today that I seem much happier after my surgery. Which is kind of strange because, personally, I feel like I have less of a fuse than before (which, in relation to work is hardly possible). I mean, I'm happier in the sense that I have hope and the hope of one day getting out of plus sizes. On the other hand, food made me really happy before. It was my BFF, my pen pal, my long lost siamese twin. And I do miss it. Being able to stop at taco bell on the way home and drown my sorrows in a cheesy bean burrito is something that was wonderful comfort.
Still trying to find something to replace that comfort...right now it's yelling at my sales reps. So far, it's working nicely, but I know I will have to come up with something different soon enough.
I actually was starving yesterday evening so I made some beans and cheese and ate it like there was no tomorrow.
Then it was like Vietnam in my belly.
I tried to burp and I couldn't, it hurt. Because my belly was so full I couldn't even swallow any air to make myself burp and feel better. Believe it or not, that's kind of a scary feeling.
This is going to be really hard for me, because I like to eat. I like it alot. And I like to eat large quantities of food. Plus it's like a race because the faster you eat, the more you can get in your belly before you feel full. (Lessons in Obesity, the title of my new book)
In related news, someone at work told me today that I seem much happier after my surgery. Which is kind of strange because, personally, I feel like I have less of a fuse than before (which, in relation to work is hardly possible). I mean, I'm happier in the sense that I have hope and the hope of one day getting out of plus sizes. On the other hand, food made me really happy before. It was my BFF, my pen pal, my long lost siamese twin. And I do miss it. Being able to stop at taco bell on the way home and drown my sorrows in a cheesy bean burrito is something that was wonderful comfort.
Still trying to find something to replace that comfort...right now it's yelling at my sales reps. So far, it's working nicely, but I know I will have to come up with something different soon enough.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Brewers United for Real Potables (Or Burp)
Oh hi, *burp* how are you? *burp*
Excuse me. *burp*
That's actually really the name of a group. But I'm not here to discuss them. Although, a site dedicated to Brew Pubs and Beer is A-Ok with me.
I burp a lot. I don't know if that's normal or not. When I go to the doctor on the 3rd I'll ask him. I wonder if it is just a side effect of me still learning how to eat slowly and not swallow so much air when I'm eating and drinking.
The scale still hasn't moved. Actually, that's a lie. It went up for a couple days but it's back down to 266. I would prefer it would keep going down, but as long as it's not going in the other direction, I'm ok for now.
I'm in phase two--meaning I'm eating mashed potatos, tuna, applesauce and other soft foods. No issues. Starting Thursday I can start to eat normally again...meaning I can have meat, vegetables, etc. I'm actually looking forward to having some asparagas. *freak*
Last night, however I did have a MEAN craving for some chocolate. Want to know the fun part? Like the super, roller coaster, skating rink fun part? I stopped after three chocolate kisses. That might not seem like a big deal to you, and if it doesn't, excuse me while I push you in the nearest snowbank. I would have had that entire bag of chocolate gone in 30 minutes before surgery. It's a big accomplishment for me and almost brought tears to my eyes to know that I was satisfied with three teeny little Hershey's Kisses.
Excuse me. *burp*
That's actually really the name of a group. But I'm not here to discuss them. Although, a site dedicated to Brew Pubs and Beer is A-Ok with me.
I burp a lot. I don't know if that's normal or not. When I go to the doctor on the 3rd I'll ask him. I wonder if it is just a side effect of me still learning how to eat slowly and not swallow so much air when I'm eating and drinking.
The scale still hasn't moved. Actually, that's a lie. It went up for a couple days but it's back down to 266. I would prefer it would keep going down, but as long as it's not going in the other direction, I'm ok for now.
I'm in phase two--meaning I'm eating mashed potatos, tuna, applesauce and other soft foods. No issues. Starting Thursday I can start to eat normally again...meaning I can have meat, vegetables, etc. I'm actually looking forward to having some asparagas. *freak*
Last night, however I did have a MEAN craving for some chocolate. Want to know the fun part? Like the super, roller coaster, skating rink fun part? I stopped after three chocolate kisses. That might not seem like a big deal to you, and if it doesn't, excuse me while I push you in the nearest snowbank. I would have had that entire bag of chocolate gone in 30 minutes before surgery. It's a big accomplishment for me and almost brought tears to my eyes to know that I was satisfied with three teeny little Hershey's Kisses.
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