There will never be enough compliments

Seriously. I may go "Oh, you're making me blush, stop" and what I really mean is "Please please keep going, please feed my ego, please make me feel good about myself because I don't know how to do it on my own".

So...let's talk a little about me. I'm a natural red head (as you may or may not know). But I am. Here's a picture from when i was a kid. Yeah, I'm adorable, what can I say?
So anyways. I was teased through out grade school and high school for my red hair. I would suppose it stopped around the end of sophomore year right around...oh yeah, the time I began dying my hair to get rid of the red.
I was never the skinny blue eyed blond that caught the boys attention. What was sad, is looking back to my high school pictures, man I had a great figure. But, at the time, I thought I was fat. I suppose since my friends were a size 2 and I was a hefty size 10, that is probably when the body dysmorphia started. Where you look in the mirror and you see a completely distorted view of what you really look like.

That still happens. I've lost 60 lbs now. Trust me, I know when I say the following statement, I am going to sound crazy, but I don't see it. I look in the mirror and I see my chubby belly and my fat ass.
I've gotten "I can see it in your face, your face is so thin now"
"I can really tell, you look great"
"I've had numerous people say to me have you seen Nicole lately?" (My response, who exactly and what word for word did they say)
"I'm so jealous of you" (Me??? Really?)

I adore it when people tell me I'm pretty or cute or beautiful or that they can see a change. I shouldn't adore it as much as I do...because I should be happy with myself and not have to rely on that feeling.
Maybe at some point I'll get there...but for now, can you just please know that I need you to feed my ego and I need to feel beautiful and keep the compliments coming?

I'll owe you one.

Smarter than the average bear

Yeah. That. That's what's up. I'm the awesome.

I went to the doctor for a slight fill today. I just needed a small tweak so I didn't get over filled. But I was weighed in and then the nurse looked at me and said "Wow. You have lost close to 60 lbs since December. You are way above average for what most people lose".

Yeah bitches. I win. I don't know who I was competing against, but it doesn't matter because I won.

In other news, have I mentioned I've lost almost 60 lbs? I actually wore a size 16 pants to work today. I'm in shock and awe. Everytime I try on an old piece of clothing that I never thought I would get back into I want to run around the neighborhood and scream. I imagine the police would be called, but it would probably be worth it.

In the past two weeks I have had about 4 people come up to me and tell me that I was looking awesome. Today someone came up to me and said "Ok, what is your secret?" and I flat out told her without hesitation. I want people to know what I did. I want people to know that it was the best decision of my life. I want people to know our insurance covers it 100%. I want people to not be afraid like I was. I want to hold someone's hand through it. I want people to have the feelings that I've been feeling. I want people to get their confidence back.

Speaking of confidence, it's amazing how much I've gotten back. It was getting to the point where I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't want to leave my house....and now I can't wait to get back out there again.

Have I mentioned I win? Because I do.